the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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