Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
