Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Randomize
