Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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