my soul wont recognize me after tonight
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Bring me that man meat
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
