I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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