ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize