I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
