Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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