Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
