I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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