Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
