exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize