Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Randomize
