Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
