Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
