After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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