party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
