NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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