home. puking in laundry basket.
The best revenge is premature balding
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
