I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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