I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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