Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
this will be a night to untag.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
