Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Randomize
