The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
