she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
