someone get that fucking seahorse.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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