I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize