he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
