I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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