before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
