clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
