What a fucking waste of an outfit
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
