Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
