If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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