im having a threesome with these popsicles
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
