Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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