i always forget guys have bellybuttons
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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