I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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