Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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