just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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