if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Randomize
