The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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