i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Randomize
