How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
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