Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
