have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
