I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
If that was your dad, he is hot
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
