This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
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do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
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