It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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