God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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