did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
