u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
never play flip cup with pint glasses
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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