Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
i've created a new STD.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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