I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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