I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
