Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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