I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
