Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
