In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
