If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
