He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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